The #1 Game-Changer for DNRS
I've shared my top five tips for doing DNRS. I've shared and dispelled some common misconceptions. And I have lots more tips to share in the future. But if you are doing or planning to do DNRS, there is one thing that you need to hear loud and clear, that you need to absorb fully, that you need to plant in the foundation of your brain from the very beginning of doing the program, and that can very well make the difference between it "working" and "not working," between a "normal" timeline of improvement and a confusingly long one.
I have not seen this referenced before, and I have seen people miss it completely, so I am sure there are many out there not having the progress they are hoping for because of this one seemingly tiny detail. In short, this is an absolute game-changer that I need you to hear.
Understandably, DNRS is a process. We have all heard and learned one way or another that healing, too, is a process. So if you're doing DNRS or thinking about it, there's a good chance you have naturally referred to yourself privately and publicly as "healing" and being on a "healing journey." It may even be in your social media username.
But here's the thing: when you begin the process of DNRS, you are not beginning healing. You are choosing health.
Do you see the difference there? That may seem like a tiny change of phrase to quibble over, but our words--and what we associate with them--make all the difference in the world when retraining our brains.
Are you living in full health from the moment you start DNRS, suddenly able to do all the things you couldn't before? Of course not.
But the key to DNRS is starting with the final goal as your mental state so your brain knows what you're retraining toward.
Let me put it this way: would you rather daily declare yourself to be in the vague, endless state of "healing" and live from that mindset, one that allows room for excuses and not-yets and too-hards; or would you rather live in the settled, period-at-the-end, expectant, exciting state of "healthy"?
"Healing" is a perpetual question mark that sets your brain up to live in this uncertain land of not-quite-sick but not-quite-healthy. Where is the end point? Whereas "healthy" is a period, a definitive declaration, and your brain will notice the difference. And you will also then feel allowed and also start expecting yourself to live accordingly.
This is not about tricking yourself--nothing about DNRS is about tricking yourself. It's about setting up your brain from the start in the goal state and not inadvertently sticking yourself in an odd in-between place that can not only impede progress but also keep you stuck in many brain pathways you never considered because you accepted that you are still just "healing."
Similarly, any state you want to change or heal or talk about in your practice or proclamation needs to be in the final state.
For example, don't tell your brain "I have more energy," but rather "I am energetic"; not "I sleep better," but "I sleep well"; not "I am more peaceful," but "I am peaceful." Choose the final, completed stage from the start to set yourself up to actually work your brain toward that final victory, not a momentary up.
When choosing subtle language differences like this, you may also notice other words that you need to let go of that don't fit with the "I Am Healthy" mindset, such as "overcomer" or "warrior," etc. What are you overcoming? What are you fighting? Giving yourself a label, particularly a trendy motivational one like those, similarly implies a perpetual state of "healing," struggle, symptoms, and illness. And that is not the brain space to dwell in, publicly or privately, if you want to free your brain from the state of illness it is stuck in.
There may also be some unique words that you personally have come to associate with illness that you need to remove from your vocabulary while doing DNRS: words like trauma, triggers, crap, sick, etc. (For example, when I was sick, I would daily tell my husband "I feel like crap." It was just what I did. That phrase had to go, along with talk of symptoms.) Everyone has their own associations so the ones you need to eliminate may be unique to you, but pay attention to what words bring strong reactions in you--and they will likely need to be as off-limits in your words and thoughts as symptoms.
Will slipping up and calling yourself "healing" or "doing okay" ruin your progress? Of course not! As I've said before, part of what this program requires is giving yourself grace.
But if you are doing the program faithfully but progress is taking much slower than you would have thought, you may need to observe more closely what versions of words you are using:
The words you use in your practice, in your proclamation, in your thoughts, and in what you are saying in passing to others without even realizing it. If you are doing the practice regularly but still updating friends about your triggers and trauma and how much you struggled yesterday, you are missing a huge part.
DNRS is a journey. But you have to set your brain up from the start--both in thoughts and in words--for arrival, not merely the journey. When doing DNRS, which is hard and challenging and a process, you are choosing your end goal and regularly dress-rehearsing that you are there, giving your brain permission that that is a safe place to live, knowing you will actually inhabit it entirely soon. When you do DNRS from that mental position, your brain should much more quickly catch on to the rewiring process. Try it and see.
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More to see:
My DNRS FAQs | all my DNRS posts | the DNRS website